Day 25 - Harris Has a Working Mommy

I went to work yesterday. Now I have been working some for the last two weeks. BUT yesterday was a full day. I arrived at the office already feeling guilty and it was 7:30 in the morning. Now Harris is NEVER up at 7:30 and I would never be at his bedside then but non the less the working mom guilt was heavy handed. I even called the nurse at 5:00am to get an overnight report - something I hardly ever do. I stayed at the office and engrossed myself in work only calling the NICU 2 times. until 2:10 when I RAN out of the office hoped in my car and prayed there would not be traffic in route so that I could make it to the 3:00 feeding. On a Monday the lactation consultant and I discussed me doing this feeding so there was NO WAY I was going to miss it. Pull up at the valet parking at 2:50 - GREAT I am going to make it. Hop in the elevator, get to the NICU, scrub, check the clock 2:54 NO PROBLEM. I get to bedside, out of breath - lugging three bags including a special feeding pillow, and the nurse says "OH he just finished eating so he is ready to cuddle. "

JUST FINISHED EATING!!! After a moment when I fluctuated between homicidal ideation and feeling a total melt down come on. I calmed down to hear the rest of her statement. The doctors didn't think he was ready for a PO (bottle or breast) right then so she started the feeding tube when he got fussy at 2:30. OK I can calm down a bit. I wouldn't have gotten to feed him anyway -- so I pick up the little man and snuggle into the rocking chair and realize that this is the feeling that every working mom has - and I want to work and so I will struggle with this moving forward and try my best not to miss things.

SO here is the kicker... I wasn't there all day... no sitting (starring) at this bedside, no working on my laptop in the waiting room so that I could be there if he needed me and do you know what... I was rewarded. Because last night at 9:00 I fed my son a bottle for the first time. And he was wide awake for it and it was amazing. His dad looked on and took pictures and being the amazing husband he is totally indulged me and let me be the first parent to give a bottle and I am so grateful. As a technical note... feeding a preemie takes a lot of wrist strength.. as you seen in the picture no cuddling close - you have to hold him up and make sure his airway is open!

Another first happened last night... Grandee and Grampa got to see Harris awake for the first time. The doctors were also able to reduce Harris's oxygen to 1.0 liters and he is doing really well! He may even graduate to the special care nursery (the step down from the NICU).

So in the end it was a perfect day.